Sometimes when we are desperate to make a relationship work, we attempt to modify our behavior to become the person someone else wants us to be. We might feel compelled to adjust and adapt our natural behavior—and doing so takes a lot of energy. This constant depletion of energy can reveal the negative sides of our personality—anxiety, irritability, diminished self-esteem, aggressiveness, neediness, depression—and even make us susceptible to illness.
I am reminded of how many times I tried to be someone different than who I am…
As I look back over my earlier failed marriage and subsequent dating experiences, I am reminded of how many times I tried to be someone different than who I am so I could keep the relationship going. I am also reminded how this sometimes turned “ugly” and the very man I was trying to keep either told me the brutal truth of why it wouldn’t work between us or he went into hiding.
I was feeling my way around the dating world at the same time that I was feeling my way around the professional work environment. Sadly, it took me far too long to recognize how frequently I attempted to modify my natural behavior on the job too, and how frequently it produced negative results.
Multiple failed dating experiences and multiple times being reprimanded by supervisors, or worse yet, fired.
…attempting to modify my behavior and adapt to a new job and work environment that clearly
was not a good fit.
I quit dating when I finally found someone who appreciated my natural behavior and supported me being me. We recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary; yet, the first seven years were a little rocky. In part because I was expending a lot of energy attempting to modify my behavior and adapt to a new job and work environment that clearly was not a good fit. The harder I tried, the worse it got – until one day I simply walked off the job. They fired me.
Doesn’t it make sense for job seekers to find an accurate way to recognize the behavioral strengths
demanded by the job?
When being asked to act in ways that are neither natural nor comfortable, employees expend all their energy trying to adapt and have nothing left to give to the job. With that in mind, doesn’t it make sense for job seekers to find an accurate way to recognize the behavioral strengths demanded by the job, identify one’s own natural strengths, and match these to a position and tasks that are the best fit?
In my practice as a career strategist and job search coach, I use DISC behavioral assessment tools to help clients recognize their natural style, identify the best career/job fit, and in some cases, understand why they are feeling stressed and unhappy in a current position. Had I known about this assessment early in my career, I could have avoided a lot of pain, disappointment and stress.
If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to call or email me. Knowing who you are and being proud of it are essential keys to having successful and gratifying relationships—inside and outside of the workplace.